Buenos Aires

24 Crazy Things I’ve Learned So Far About Luján (and Argentina in general)

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Coming to another country is always sure to involve some culture shock, but when I came to Argentina I really didn’t know what to expect. This is a list of things I have observed and been told about so far during my time here. Argentina is a wild and wooly place! (Disclaimer: obviously, these are observations coming from my own perspective. They are meant to be lighthearted, the impressions of a recently-arrived shanqui, so if you are Argentine, please don’t take these the wrong way! We’re all friends here 🙂 )

  1. No one gives a crap about the rules, about being organized, or about the fact that whoever is supposed to know the rules doesn’t enforce them and often decides to make up random new ones on the spot.
  2. A lot of the police are corrupt. I was told that if you ever find yourself looking to take a romantic pit stop with your special someone, don’t. Apparently cops (especially the local ones here in Luján) have been known to arrest, then kidnap and rape, women in this situation. As an alternative, go to a telo! (See No. 8)
  3. It takes little to no training or education requirements to join the police force in this country. This probably explains No. 2, as well as the fact that we were told that if you ever get pulled over, just slip the cop a 100 peso bill and you’re off the hook. This also probably explains the policeman we saw driving in the middle of three lanes in capital, while simultaneously smoking, eating a sandwich and talking on his cell phone, with no seatbelt, while flashing his blue lights. Why leave all the fun to those lawless citizens, right?
  4. The Luján riverfront is sketchy as F—this is what happens when corrupt government officials decide what gets invested in and what doesn’t.
  5. It floods in Luján (like much of Buenos Aires Province), at least twice a year, and often the flooding reaches up to 7 or 8 blocks away from the river, right where my house is! (Yaaaaaay)
  6. The cockroach should be the national animal of Argentina (or atleast BA Province…) They are freaking everywhere. It doesn’t matter how rich you are or how clean or beautiful your home is. They are everywhere.
  7. A public bathroom with a working toilet, soap, AND toilet paper? SCORE!
  8. Traffic rules don’t exist, nor do stoplights, street lanes, stop signs, or street signs in most places. There are also no seatbelts in the majority of cars. And to cross an intersection, people just flash their lights or play a shameless game of chicken to see who will actually slow down slightly just in the nick of time.
  9. There are literal sex hotels (called Telos) that exist solely for the purpose of getting down, with rooms that can be rented by the hour. Everyone–from sneaky teenagers to philanderers, from parents looking for privacy to priests, swings by these places to get their love on…which brings me to…. Number 10:
  10. Everyone cheats on everyone here, and no one gives a damn if you are taken. Relationship status is barely a bump in the road for an Argentine on the prowl.
  11. The fact that so many people are so thin blows my mind, especially since the typical Argentine diet seems to consist of cookies, dulce de leche, whole milk, milanesas (aka fried steak), pasta, mashed potatoes, steak, gnocci, more dulce de leche, pastries, wine, and the best ice cream you’ve ever tasted. In the wise words of one Haystacks Calhoun, “Dulce de Leche is the Sriracha sauce of desserts: It’s hard to name anything that wouldn’t be improved by it.”
  12. No one wears helmets, ever (on a motorcycle or normal bike), and five people seems to be the full capacity of a motorbike (and hey, why not bring the baby along!)
  13. Expats who are natives of any Anglo-based culture (Brit, Aussie, Kiwi, Yankee, Canuck, you name it) are essentially alcoholics compared to Argentines, who may sip one glass of wine, Gancia or Fernet for over an hour.
  14. The economy is so jacked up from inflation, and the peso is so ridiculously low in value compared to other world currencies, that a vast number of Argentines (even those who speak near perfect English) have never left the country, even to go to Uruguay, which is a hop, skip and a jump across the river from Buenos Aires.
  15. The ABSURD contrast between the haves and the have-nots. Gated “country club” neighborhoods with insane security and houses that look like they popped out of Greenwich, CT with immaculate lawns, pools, tennis courts and Mercedes parked in the driveway are situated 100 yards away over the fence from shantytown slums with dirt roads, houses made of falling-apart plywood and plastic and piles of burning trash outside. The shiny, elegant streets of Recoleta are less than a kilometer from highway-side half-finished buildings with no back wall and no running water where you can see straight into people’s home from the highway. LandRovers driven by bottle-blonde trophy wives share the road with horse drawn carriages driven by a woman under 25 with no teeth and four barefoot children filling the cart with trash from the side of the road.
  16. The electricity regularly goes out in neighboring General Rodriguez because people set up illegal businesses and tap into the town electricity wires via DIY jobs, resulting in the best case scenario in a temporary blackout and in the worst-case scenario in a fatal explosion.
  17. Children regularly get kidnapped in shopping malls, and then sold for various gruesome reasons on the international black market.
  18. There are stray dogs EVERYWHERE and I’m still shocked that they seem to have figured out a mutual system with cars, motorcyclists and bicyclists, and somehow manage to avoid being run over at the last second.
  19. Abortion is illegal in Argentina, oral contraception is hard to come by and often frowned upon. Weed is legal in Uruguay.
  20. Private schools are the only schools available for full day education and care. Public schools are only available either in the morning or in the afternoon, not both. Makes it kind of difficult for a lower-income parent to move up in a career and eventually make more money…while already higher income families are able to benefit from both parents being able to work all day long while their kids are at school.
  21. The difference between private hospitals and public hospitals is INSANE… (although some public hospitals are great, if someone in the government decides they feel like giving them money)
  22. Apparently, the fact that a lot of people are still traumatized from the dictatorship in the 1970’s is the reason why they don’t discipline their children too much – because they believe it’s too reminiscent of a military regime.
  23. The 80 and 90’s have either made a SERIOUS comeback, or never ended. See: the insane popularity of rollerblading, mullets, shiny bowling shirts, scrunchies, acid-wash jeans, platform shoes, and stupid slogan t-shirts.
  24. The gym teachers at the school look exactly like these guys: ziriguidum

Orientation Week in Buenos Aires

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The orientation week in Buenos Aires was amazing. Sunday afternoon I went over to Hostel del Sol escorted by Roberto, and although I was a little nervous, as soon as I met our group I felt instantly comfortable. There are only four of us- Will, from Australia, Marc, from London, Amanda from Texas, and myself. Cristina, the director of our program, is just as wonderful as she sounded via email. I was relieved to see that my internet sleuthing to track down this program was successful, since I had a secret fear in the back of my mind that the whole thing would turn out to be a huge scam or we’d be sold into slavery upon arrival- luckily, that was definitely not the case 🙂

We spent the first afternoon walking all around Buenos Aires. We first headed over to San Telmo market, passing by the famous Obelisko and Casa Rosada (Presidential Residence) on the way. The San Telmo market happens every Sunday, in this beautiful historic neighborhood, with blocks and blocks of vendors selling jewelry, art, leather goods, Mafalda paraphernalia, mate gourds and any other craft or souvenir you can think of. There are food vendors selling choripan, empanadas, fresh orange juice and grilled steak, and the streets are bursting with colors. The cobblestone streets were bumpy and uneven, so I admit that I spent more time than I would have liked staring at the ground in an attempt to not wipe out or injure my toe. If I hadn’t been so busy with that and with clutching my bag for dear life out of paranoia over being pickpocketed, I would have made more of an effort to absorb the sights, sounds and smells all around me. It was beautiful but a little overwhelming! We stopped at an outdoor asado for an absolutely delicious lunch of choripan – chorizo fresh off the grill on crusty French bread with chimichurri.

We then looped over to Puerto Madero, a ritzy port area next to the university, where artistic bridges crisscross the river, which is lined with expensive steakhouses and million-dollar apartment buildings. We crossed a footbridge, which reminded me a lot of the one in London, and then passed through several lush parks until we reached Reserva Costa Nera, a park/nature preserve which winds long the river. There were a fair amount of mosquitoes that made a nice meal off our pasty gringo flesh, so we had to hightail it out of the area that snakes along right by the river. After trying some of Argentina’s famed helado at Freddo (which is just as good as if not better than the gelato in Italy!), we made our way back to the hostel and finished the night off with pizza and Quilmes (Argentina’s version of Bud Light) on the roof patio of the hostel.

The rest of the week was filled with Spanish classes in the mornings and teaching class in the afternoons at Vos Spanish School, which was about 2 blocks down the road from Hostel del Sol on Calle Marcelo T de Alvear.  The school is a charming oasis filled with bright colors, friendly teachers and fellow travelers, and an excellent resource for anyone trying to find their way as a foreigner among porteños. I would definitely recommend Vos to anyone who comes to Buenos Aires and wants to improve their Spanish. The teachers at Vos help divide students into classes based on level after taking an online placement test, which seemed to be pretty effective and accurate, since each of the four of us in our group were placed in different levels and all of us found our respective classes to be the right balance between challenging and level-appropriate.

My class consisted of Andres, a charming former Off-Broadway light designer from NYC, and Elisabeth, a cool woman from Texas who moved to Buenos Aires with her husband and kids. They have so far turned out to be the only two Americans I have met here besides Amanda! Our two alternating teachers, Carmela and Luciana, were both wonderful and gave us a crash course in porteño Spanish, running the gamut from everyday grammar and vocab differences to (sometimes dirty) slang. Our morning sessions were based around conversation, with lessons and in-context corrections peppered in throughout – which, in my experience, is BY FAR the best way to practice and improve!

Between the classes at Vos and being able to chat with Cristina and her friends every night, by the end of the week I was feeling pretty well into the groove with my Spanish!

Each night of the orientation week we had a different activity. The first one, I have to say, was my favorite. Monday night, we went to a drum concert/massive party called La Bomba de Tiempo. Apparently, it happens every Monday night, which gives you a pretty good insight into Argentine nightlife in a nutshell…

I’ve never been to anything like this in the states, but the only circumstance under which I can imagine something like this taking place at home would be on a really nice Saturday afternoon in mid-July that you spend the rest of the year reminiscing about and thinking how nice it would be if events like this were available all year round.  The fact that this happens on a Monday night and every week year round!? Bienvenidos a Buenos Aires!

So what exactly is this mysterious event, you ask? It takes place in a giant, industrial looking, half-outdoor venue called Konex (an old factory, I think), in the middle of the city, with a stage, a bar and lots of open space. The bar sells giant cups of Quilmes or Fernet with Coca Cola, and the place is crawling with an interesting mix of expats, hippies with long dreads, grooving Brazilians, Argentine 20-something’s, and the occasional 50-something girls night out.

The main act is a large band of musicians playing various African drums, for 3 hours straight, and except for the occasional pocket of intense and dedicated (probably “enhanced”…) dance moves, the crowd dances and sways casually in a way that is consistently fun but never overwhelming or too crazy. The “chillest” but most sustainably fun dance party I’ve ever been to! And the admission costs the equivalent of 7 or 8$ USD. Every Monday night.

Check out the video here.

Nightlife in Buenos Aires makes DC look pretty boring pretty quickly!

Tuesday night, we checked out another one of Buenos Aires’ most wonderful attractions, El Ateneo. This beautiful historic theater is now home to an amazing bookstore, a literature nerd’s dream. The wonderfully unique architecture of the theater is entirely preserved, while offering multiple floors of books in all topics, even with a kids’ section. Of course, the books are all in Spanish! But the best thing about it is that it’s designed as a free place to hang out and read for all citizens.

This means you can come hang out and read (or write or whatever) for hours on end in the café (situated on the former stage) without having to purchase a thing! No pretending to “wait for your friend” while an angry Starbucks employee stares you down or creepily sit in a corner Barnes and Noble bench, hoping that an employee doesn’t come hounding you about how they can be of assistance. It’s like a much nicer, cleaner library where you can read all kinds of books or enjoy the inspiring atmosphere without having to spend a dime or have a membership.

A pretty nice idea, right? Argentines have definitely mastered the art of always having something interesting to do outside the house, either alone or with friends, without having to break the bank to do so. This is kind of tough back at home, because it so often feels that if you want to go out and do something (especially in bad weather) it’s pretty hard to do so without having to drop a wad of cash. Maybe it’s just being in a new place, but it seems like it would be easy to avoid spending Sunday afternoons deciding between wasting away the day watching Netflix (but saving some much needed plata) or forking over a third of your weekly budget to avoid feeling like a lazy, uncultured bum. But maybe that’s just me… 🙂

After checking out El Ateneo, we went to dinner at a nice, authentically Argentine restaurant called Cumaná. They specialize in steaks, milanesas, etc (like every single other restaurant in this country….) but a also a good variety of regional dishes like modongo (stomach lining stew…Amanda was brave and tried this) and cazuelas, a hearty stew of beef, sweet potatoes, corn and onions. That’s what I ordered – and while it was delicious and a welcome break from the steady stream of straight up meat and potatoes I am already starting to get a little sick of, it was more something I would eat on a bitterly cold winter night (like I left behind in CT) than a sweltering, humid 85 degree night in Buenos Aires.

After this delicious but very hearty meal, we headed over to Temple Bar for an event called Mundo Lingo. In theory, this is a great idea- a language exchange event for language enthusiasts to have an opportunity to practice any language they want and meet people from all over the world for “cultural exchange”. When you arrive at the bar, you tell the people at the table which languages you want to practice, and they give you a sticker of the flag of each corresponding country for you to stick on your arm, which is fun and entertaining. However, the true intent of many of the attendees became clear pretty quickly. Amanda and I noticed how many of the people in the bar, especially guys, were wearing 7-10 flags. Impressed by their international savvy, we turned to Cristina. “Wow, these people are all so educated and good at languages! Here they are speaking English, French, German, Portuguese, Dutch, Swedish, Italian, Greek AND Russian! We only know Spanish, and that’s been hard enough to learn!” She laughed. “No, they don’t actually speak all those languages, those are just all of the countries that they want to meet girls from!” Ahh…gotcha. Well, now I feel slightly better about my own intelligence level, slightly naïve, and slightly worse about the state of humanity.

I can’t exactly say I’m surprised…. It’s just too bad that such a great concept that sounds like such innocent fun can’t remain un-corrupted by creeps. Although I guess that’s just life, especially in Argentina…

We did have a good time, despite the creepiness factor, but I will say that it was an extreme crash course in the realities of Argentine social life and the dos and don’ts of talking to Argentine dudes, especially if you are a taken lady like myself.

Apparently, as we “Chicas Shhhyanquis” learned the hard way (although it could have been much worse…), male-female platonic friendship barely exists here. Unless it’s your friend’s boyfriend, a co-worker, your boyfriend’s friend, or a family member, dudes and chicks can’t just be friends. Which makes me sad, since I genuinely appreciate having bro-time with my male friends back at home without worrying about things getting weird in any way. I hate that Harry from “When Harry Met Sally” may be right, at least in Argentina. Also, apparently, if you are at all friendly, even in a way that seems like nothing more than pleasant, polite small talk with someone who supposedly just wants to practice their language skills, it is interpreted like a giant blinking green light and a sign on your forehead that says, “Yes, kind sir, I would love to sleep with you!!!! Take me, I’m yours!”

when harry met sally

We figured this out pretty quickly after being surrounded like sheep by a pack of hungry wolves while being bombarded with questions by dudes with little to no concept of personal space and to whom the phrase “I have a boyfriend” makes about as much of a difference as saying “I am left handed”. A lighthearted “fun fact”, perhaps, but far from something that takes you off the market. We learned later from Cristina and some of her friends that the best thing to do when approached by a random dude in a boliche (unless you are 100% interested), is to essentially, be a stone cold bitch and avoid so much as smiling at them, because no matter what words are coming out of your mouth, they will interpret the following equation: boobs+smile+no PRESENT man laying claim to her = green light. If, by chance, you forget to unlearn your basic human instincts of being politely friendly when someone says hello to you, and (gasp!) make the mistake of smiling, the next best approach is to mention how excited you are about your baby on the way. One sign of the threat of commitment and all of your creeper problems are solved! On the other hand, one can also take a tip from the brilliant Jenna Marbles and simply take this approach:

jenna-marbles-reaction_o_249321

After about an hour of this, in this loud and crowded, American style “Irish pub” in August March with no air conditioning, Amanda and Cristina and I took refuge outside, while Will and Mark continued reveling in their successful chatting with sixteen year old Argie girls who mistook them for One Direction members due to their charming Brit and Aussie accents.

Outside the bar, we had the pleasure of making the acquaintance of an interesting fellow named “Tay Winters”, who, apparently, is a famous C list celebrity. In between hella’s, ch’yeah’s and na’mean’s, we learned that he is “on tour” in Latin America and has been having a terrible time avoiding crowds of screaming 16 year old fans of his enchanting remix of “Sex You Up”,  and he lives down the street from Justin Bieber. Oh, and he isn’t drinking right now because “he’s using a few products at the gym at the moment.” You can check him out here! (Although can’t promise you’ll get a #f4f, that’s reserved for the few lucky ladies like myself 😉 )

Wednesday night we went to a tango show at a milonga called La Catedral. Milongas are tango bars, where a mix of locals and tourists come to watch and dance the Tango. Depending on the place, it can either be much more touristy and a full on show with a stage and an audience, or it can be a much more laid back venue where the majority of patrons are locals who just want to come drink Fernet and practice this somber and sensual national dance. La Catedral was a nice mix of both, and they also offered an hour-long lesson, in which we all partook.

For only about eight dollars, we spent an hour watching our instructors (a beautiful couple, both professional dancers, who are clearly madly in love) dancing so beautifully and intricately that it quickly became apparent how unlikely it is that any of us gringos will ever master it. I partnered up with Mark and Amanda paired up with Will, while Cristina and her friend giggled at us from our table. Mark and Will are certainly both suave and dapper gentleman (hi, guys, if you’re reading this!)  but between the fact that I’m a bit taller than Mark with bigger hands and feet and he was feeling a bit nervioso about dancing in public, I kind of ended up taking over the lead role and we both spent the hour attempting to not stomp on eachother’s toes or make things awkward by making too much contact beyond one another’s shoulders in a dance that is, by nature, exceedingly sensual. I came to the conclusion that the tango is a beautiful, sad, sexy and soulful dance that is best left either to the pros or attempted only when one is learning with one’s Lovah, in which case making physical contact is a good thing rather than extremely awkward for both parties.

lovah

Thursday, we had some down time in the afternoon, and Amanda and I walked over to Elibet and Roberto’s apartment, which was only about 10 blocks from our hostel.

Thursday, I had been invited by Elibet to join her for dinner with some American friends who were visiting town. I had been slightly under the impression that it was going to be a family style dinner at the apartment, with Lulu and Patricia and Roberto and the whole gang present, but it turned out to be only she and I and the friends, and that she didn’t actually know them that well, they were more like friends of friends. They were extremely nice but significantly older and a bit stuffy…and it seemed clear that Elibet was busting out all the stops to impress them with her stellar entertaining skills. After a VERY nice round of wine and appetizers at a 5-star hotel where Elibet is BFF’s with the Matre’D (not joking…), I skipped out to meet up with the group in Palermo. Except for an unfortunate incident in which Cristina got her wallet stolen, it was a fun night spent in one of Palermo’s countless charming little bars scattered among big trees and winding cobblestone streets. After a few rounds of drinks, we kicked off a rousing game of “Never Have I Ever”, in which we learned how interesting and loco our little group is…some crazy stories, but I’ll leave it at that J

The last day, we wrapped things up at VOS with an asado on the roof of the school, packed up our things at the hostel, and Amanda and I went with Cristina to send off Mark and Will in the Retiro bus station. It is definitely a wild and wooly place, so I was happy to get a preview of it before we actually were taking a trip from there ourselves. The two guys had really long bus rides (8 and 12 hours, respectively, to get to Rafaela and Merlo for their placements), and poor Mark of course got stuck on a bus that broke down twice, making what should have not been that bad of a journey last something like 16 hours. Cristina and Amanda and I finished off the evening with margaritas at a Mexican restaurant called El Salto de las Ranas in Recoleta (very good, but definitely NOT like the Mexican food we can get back at home…), and called it a night before so we could get up early the next day to begin the next chapter of our journey in Lujan!

An amazing week in a wonderful city with four great new friends…and who knows what’s coming next!

Gallery: Buenos Aires – Day 1

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Buenos Aires- el primer dia

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So, here I am! After years and months of daydreaming about this, planning it out, and worrying, I am finally here! In typical fashion, my preparation process was crazy and involved lots of fretting and very little sleep. I almost missed my flight due to car difficulties followed by a wild and wooly cab ride from Brooklyn to JFK (and a tour of all 7 terminals), but ultimately, I made it, and the flight itself turned out to be really easy and relaxed. The huge Aerolineas Argentinas plane had this cool blue lighting everywhere and all the windows were shut, so it felt like nighttime even though it was about 3PM, and I barely even noticed when we took off. I also had the amazing fortune of getting an aisle seat next to an unoccupied middle seat, thanks to  some Yale rugby bros asking to switch with my window seat, which for an 11 hour flight was fine by me.

The airline food was actually really good, although after no sleep and no time to eat anything all day, I would have scarfed down anything. The free white wine didn’t hurt either…

I arrived at EZE in Buenos Aires at 4:20 AM, and after a very breezy customs process, met up with the driver from Connecting Worlds and was successfully delivered to Elibet and Roberto’s apartment in La Recoleta.

Elibet is the mother of my sister-in-law Marianne, (married to my brother Ben), and Roberto is her adorable husband. This family connection is one of the many reasons why I chose this program, since Lujan, where I will be living for the next four months, is right next to Carlos Keen, the town where Elibet and Roberto have a weekend house. Elibet plus Marianne and Ben and their family know Lujan well, so I knew I would have some connections once I got here.

So far, I can’t tell you how happy I am to be here with them and how awesome it is that they’re hosting me! I feel a little homesick and jumbled up showing up here alone, and I can only imagine what it would be like if I didn’t have this connection! Not to mention that they are amazing people and so incredibly nice and fun to be around. I am in good hands!

I am staying here in their apartment just for tonight, and then tomorrow, the program begins and I will go to Hostel el Sol (which I think is pretty close by) to meet up with the rest of the group from Connecting Worlds.

After arriving at the apartment around 6AM and crashing until 1:30PM, I finally feel more caught up on sleep. Elibet arrived from New York today, too, a few hours after me, after visiting Ben and Marianne and the boys for a few weeks. We had lunch in the kitchen with Roberto, and then Elibet and I went down to a café on the corner (La Monet) with LuLu, la madre de Elibet, para tomar un café.

Lulu is a riot and absolutely fabulous. She is 87 years old, and acts like a lovestruck teenager talking about her boyfriend and all their drama. Her old boyfriend, Ángel, apparently died about a year ago, although she seems to have moved on, and I don’t think the family was a huge fan of his anyway…

She has a new novio now, and it sounds like he had to fight off some other dude to win her heart, so she’s pretty much killing it no matter what. It was awesome sitting at La Monet and feeling the warm breeze, chatting with Elibet and Lulu like we were old girlfriends, and watching all the people passing by. Calle Quintana is beautiful, with towering trees dripping with green (especially striking after nothing but WHITE and dirty snow back at home). After our café, Elibet and Lulu encouraged me to take a little walk through the neighborhood and down to the park, so I did just that.

Walking along alone in a totally new city was kind of surreal, but I did feel totally safe, and it was nice to have some time to just hear myself think after the past few weeks of craziness leading up to my departure. The park is only about three blocks away and it was gorgeous. A pretty little church in the middle with a market set up and winding all through the park, which is made up of rolling little hills, trees and flowers. I wandered around for about an hour, stopping to watch some bands and sitting on the grass for a while trying to tomar el sol to catch up with the Argentines in an attempt to cancel out my February pastiness. I must have blended well enough though, because I was only approached twice, once asking if I wanted to make a donation and once asking me directions, both times in Spanish, so I guess I didn’t stick out like a total gringa. Everyone here is pretty European-looking though, so with my height and my light hair I don’t stick out like a sore thumb quite as much as I thought I might.

After a dinner of empanadas from el Sanjuanino and some prosecco with Elibet and Roberto, I think it’s time for sleep on my first night in Argentina!

Hasta Pronto,

Anna